how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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