I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
