Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
