She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
