found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
