how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
