Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
