I wish I could punch you in the face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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