I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize