Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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