the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
