I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
