went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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