I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
