I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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