bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
