actually, I'm a sock model
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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