He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
