O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
