mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
