She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
