you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
