i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
