my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
