Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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