Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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