whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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