he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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