My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
