My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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