Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
