But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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