hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
