You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
