i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
