You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
