I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
