I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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