from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
