I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
