im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
