At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
id be glad to
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He better not be in your backpack
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
