Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
