I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
