just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
