just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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