im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
