This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize