One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
