Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
