we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
