just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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