"it" just moved
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
