Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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