i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
