did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Shame - the story of my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
