Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
