i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
