we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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