we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize