What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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