I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
