You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
