Screwed.edu
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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