I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
