So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
