I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
