Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
