i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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