one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
