Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
