Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
